From beginning to end all happens by the grace of God.
I was born into a strong family that treasured the Catholic faith and education,
well disciplined children and appreciation of the few gifts we shared. I think
that I was attracted to the community of Mount St. Scholastica very early in
life, maybe by the second grade. There were many distractions away from this
life but always the Lord was working on me to see this way. Finally the peace,
order, and even the chance to teach, convinced me to ask to enter.
One of the most astounding things about monastic life here at the Mount is
the emphasis on doing the work of God. By God’s grace we have “leisure” to
pray in choir, pray personally, read and pray the scriptures, and celebrate
the Eucharist. The community is the unit that sets this tone and aids me to
accomplish the work of God.
One of the greatest mysteries is that God initiates all good. By God’s
grace we are able to do more and love more. My religious life, now of fifty-nine
years, has been one of continuous marvel. While learning the daily observances,
I could learn and know God through prayer, study, community interaction, creation
and service of all kinds.
Yes, I have failed, fallen short of even my expectations. No matter what happens,
God is always faithful to his part of the covenant. God’s true love and
friendship have helped me to develop a very strong, simple faith. Difficulties,
fatigue and ignorance just strengthen the bond with God and dependence on Gad’s
grace.
There has been no break in the loving care God has shown me. This fidelity
has enabled me, lo these many years, to persevere and remain faithful to my
monastic profession of obedience stability, and conversion to the monastic
way of life here at the Mount. Truly God’s grace does abound!
I feel like a dream came true on September 16th, 2001, the day
of my perpetual profession to the monastic way of life. Since my student days
at Bishop LeBlond High School in St. Joseph, Missouri, I have always been intrigued
by the Benedictine Sisters. I wanted the peace that they seemed to share with
teenagers.
During my high school days, I asked Sister Mary David about being a Benedictine
and she explained to me the importance of furthering my education and living
on my own. She told me, "Your vocation to religious life will always be a part
of you." Sister Mary David was so right. Experiencing life on my own helped
me to realize that everyone is a good person and that all of God's people are
in need of love.
For three years I lived alone and enjoyed working in parish ministry in northwest
Missouri. Parish life deepened my spirituality and desire for a relation-ship
with God. Through the influence of Fr. Joachim, a Conception Abbey monk, I
was re-connected to Benedictines. This gift rekindled my own attraction to
religious life. Mindful I was still missing the peace that I saw in the Benedictine
sisters, the authenticity of Godıs invitation became more real.
Thus, in January 1994, I entered Mount St. Scholastica and became a novice
the following year. Visiting the older sisters of the community and hearing
their stories about community life gifted me in countless ways. Oddly enough,
the silence that bugged me in my canonical year was truly a gift during the
retreat as I approached my final vows. While I am not always aware of Godıs
deep abiding peace, yet as I proclaimed my perpetual profession before my sisters,
my family, and the staff and students of St. Thomas Aquinas High School, I
felt God's love encircling me. The Mount is truly my home. I look forward to
living many years within the monastery and, together with my sisters, seeking
God and serving God's people in whatever way I am called.
Never give up on how you feel God is asking you to serve. Patience and time
reveals God's will.
Reflecting on my vocation and call to monastic life, I realize
that it is through experiences, relationships, and dailiness that I am learning
to embrace and enter more deeply into my monastic vocation. I have been a member
of the Mount St. Scholastica community for fourteen years. I entered the community
after completing my college degree, with the full intention of getting the
idea of being a nun out of my system, so I could get on with my life.
A little bit of history: I felt that God was calling me to be a religious in
high school and I managed to block and shut out those crazy thoughts most of
my college days. Yes, the gift of my family, my faith, my religion and deep
sense of Godıs loving presence has always been a bedrock in my life, but God
surely was not asking me to be a nun! Wasnıt it a call to serve people through
the Peace Corps or some other organization? However, that little voice and
deep gut feeling always managed to break through my walls of denial. I decided
to pursue this and prove God wrong. I participated in a summer program with
the Sisters of St. Joseph in Concordia, which was a wonderful experience, but
I realized I was called to a different type of religious life. So, I contacted
my former Benedictine grade school teacher and got hooked up with the vocation
director. The monastic life with the commitment to community and prayer seemed
to ring true in my heart. I entered with many questions, not necessarily planning
to stay.
As in so many aspects of life, one grows into a vocation. It just does not
happen at once and you are set for life. Growing up on a farm, I realize that
each season brings its gifts and its struggles, so too in living fully oneıs
vocation. Over time, I have experienced periods of tremendous growth, and saw
my relationships, ministry and life flourish. I have also known a time of dying
to self and deep desires, as well as a season of steadiness where nothing seems
to be happening at all. However, it is through all the seasons that I have
come to love my vocation and call to the monastic life. Even though I entered
with every intention of proving God wrong, I stay because my call to monastic
life at the Mount has been and continues to be a tremendous blessing. Through
the gift of community, liturgy of the hours, lectio, and relationships I know
this is the place in which I can be my best self and be of the best service
to others.
Growing up on a farm in Northeast Kansas with three brothers and
four sisters was very formative for developing a contemplative spirit and hospitality.
These two values I "caught" from my parents as a child.
My dad usually did not speak until he was sure he had an audience. I always
enjoyed riding on the tractor with him. When he was alone plowing the fields
and mowing the lawn, he did his thinking and praying. Because he always seemed
so content, I "caught" his contemplative spirit as a basic means for coping
with life.
My mom, on the other hand, was busy in the kitchen and I was her helper. Hired
men worked on the farm, so we were always setting another place at the table.
To my amazement, I watched my mom stretch the fried chicken and cherry pie.
There was always room at the table for one more. She was so gracious; I "caught" that
a welcoming heart is important in life.
The above key experiences were instrumental in feeling God's call to religious
life and specifically to the Atchison Benedictines. I recall as a postulant,
praying, "Be still and know that I am God." (Ps. 45) I thought, "That is what
my dad taught me." Through contemplation, quiet, and reflection one comes to
know God. Benedict began his Rule: "Listen carefully, to the master's instructions,
and attend to them with the ear of your heart." I love the contemplative dimension
that is essential to living this life and the challenge of listening with my
heart.
The following line from the Rule of Benedict had a powerful impact in my life: "All
guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ." In this line,
I recognized what my mother had been doing for years, which had fostered within
me a true appreciation of the importance of hospitality.
Having lived the monastic life for almost thirty-seven years, I find that I
still draw upon the gifts my parents gave me. They are essential, life-giving,
and absolutely necessary to maintain a contemplative stance in all that I do.
Taking time each morning to "be" in God's presence helps me throughout the
day to see Christ in my sisters and in the people I meet. Nurturing a welcoming
heart I find I am enriched by the many manifestations of God that are part
of my daily life. As I live with my sisters, I find that I continue to "catch" the
spirit of Benedict, drawing me ever more deeply into the heart of God.
Listen...with the ear of your heart... So begins the Rule of St.
Benedict, the Rule that I have come to know, love and treasure in these past
twenty years. However, my listening began much earlier.
I met the Mount community through my first grade teacher, Sister Everetta. Throughout
grade school at St. Gregory's in Maryville, Missouri, a school at that time
staffed by our sisters, I experienced many Benedictine teachers. A particular
4th grade assignment,draw yourself as you think you will be when you grow up,
showed me as a "Sister" teaching. Through the years that image kept coming back
to me. I thought about many different careers and life choices, but the idea
of joining a community never went away. During high school and college, the
idea of being a religious Sister was not something I wanted to pursue. God,
however, decided to pursue me. Summing up in a few brief sentences my decision
to enter religious life does not account for the struggles involved in that
decision. Continuing to hear God's call, at last I decided to take a risk and
experience religious life. I told myself I would come for one year and see what
it was like.
I have come to know and love our sisters and the monastic way of life. The rhythm
of our day, the balance of prayer, work, and community are elements I have come
to love and appreciate. It is not just something I thought of in 4th grade,
but a call to recommit myself every day. I have found that this is where I can
best seek and find God, love and serve God and the people of God, as well as
be my best self. My ministry during these past twenty years in community has
been one of teaching primary age children. Not only have I tried to help them
to know of God's love and the presence of Jesus in their lives, but they have
been tremendous blessing to me. So often I have found God revealed to me in
one of these children.
Each day we are called to listen. Presently, I am on the edge of a new horizon
as my community has invited me to step into a new role. I look forward not only
to my new ministry as Director of Vocation Ministry, but to continuing in this
monastic way following the words in Benedict's Prologue to "listen...with the
ear of your heart."
Women interested in the monastic way of life
may obtain more information from:
Sister Suzanne Fitzmaurice, OSB
Director of Vocation Ministry
Mount St. Scholastica, 801 South 8th Street
Atchison, KS 66002-2724
(913) 360-6219